No future in the art of dance.

April 9, 2009 at 7:41 pm 2 comments

I recently discovered that they have workout DVDs at the library. (Hey, give me a break, I grew up in a town where the library is smaller than my apartment, and I have more books than they do). So I checked out 3. They’ve been sitting on my table for…well, they’re due back in a few days. After discovering that I can’t renew DVDs (wtf!) to further entertain my procrastination, I said, Well, shit, I guess I should do one of them.

So I moved the furniture in my living room and popped in a Belly Dance  workout dvd, thinking, Hey! This will be fun! And sexy! And hey, maybe I’ll take it up and take lessons and everything!

And, then, I started doing attempting the moves and I realize: I can’t dance. I wiggle and jiggle in all the wrong ways. Belly dancing looks easy; but I’ve come to realize that I have no grace. None. Can it be learned? Maybe. But at least my dog was entertained as I flailed my arms and legs across the living room. During the “cool off” part of the DVD, my dog actually jumped on me. Yes. Jumped on my back as I tried to “work out the stress in [my] spine”. Yup. Then she thought I was playing and started barking excitedly, and jumped on my stomach as I tried to “stretch” my legs. I’m just glad she only weighs 6 pounds, otherwise I would need to be scrubbed off the floor.

Other than that, I’ve been having a hell of a time trying to find a “sleeping aid” that actually works. See, my brain never turns off. When I sleep, I think of things, constantly. So my psychiatrist gave me a prescription…and I took one. And the next day I had the worst headache of my life, and felt like I had the flu. So, I’m thinking I’ll just pass on sleeping “correctly”. If she tries to get me to take Ambien…I’ll probably be one of those one-in-whatever people that bakes pies and eats 50 pizzas in the middle of the night.

And I’m proud that I have thus far avoided the delicious heaven that is Cadbury Eggs. Oh, I love those. I’ve always loved those. Right down to that weird commercial with the lion in bunny ears (which they STILL show! to my girlish, nostalgic glee.)… My mom still makes me up an “Easter basket” every year (cute, isn’t it?), but I know there won’t be any of those in there. Sigh. She’ll probably get me a nice set of tea towels from Anthropologie or something.

But oh, there will always be a place in my fat-girl heart for these stupid, sugary, wretched little balls of nom.


~ wikipedia


Entry filed under: bitchery, holidays, yummy things. Tags: , , , .

Therapy. Obsession: not just a fragrance.

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. girlslashwoman  |  April 13, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    Dancing DVDs don’t ever do me that much good anyway. I always have better luck, popping in an Indian DVD and copying their moves. Your best bet is anything with the word “cardio” or “bootcamp” in it. Even if they don’t work, at least you feel hard core.
    And PS you killed me with those creme egg pictures. I had one yesterday. It was love.

  • 2. Griffin H. Bat  |  April 16, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    I totally picked up on the “cardio” thing! I scanned the DVDs at the library and noticed the “cardio” ones seem to do the best trick. All I could find “bootcamp”-wise was Tae-Bo. Horrible/hilarious teenage memories, flooding to the surface. Heh. Will have to work up to that one.
    Ohhh the creme eggs! I did end up having 2. Sadly. But they were so, so good. Totally worth having to pound back the Tums afterword.


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Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.

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