Archive for April, 2009

I <3 the library, but not this movie.

I currently have 31 items checked out of the library.

This, is why my blog suffers.

I checked out the film Disfigured,  and it really stunk. I was excited about a film that combined the painful worlds of anorexia and obesity into one big meaningful mush of cinematic genius, and it fell short. Really, really short. I kept having the urge to fall asleep. Which is a downer, I really wanted it to be good. It shows one of the characters “giving in” pretty much and getting a gastric bypass. And of course that character is already a douche-bag that solicits sex for money and is portrayed as a total ass. That was annoying. SO. I’m not biased. Of coursenot, darlings. But it sucked. The characters weren’t relateable and the plot was pointless. I’m glad I got it from the library/it was free. Nothing wasted, except time.

Okay, well, since I had a gastric bypass/took the easy way out, I guess I need to go hire some hookers and be a total asshole. I need to get on that.

/bitter rant.

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April 27, 2009 at 9:10 pm Leave a comment

Cook yourself thin. Make meth.

I really need to stop looking at how people find my blog. I mean, “gladiator sandals with fat legs”?! What? That’s a first. People are weird. And I don’t think my legs look “fat” in my gladiator sandals. And if they do, well, shit. I’m wearing them anyway.

I’m ranty today.

I have a stack about 10-thick of workout DVDs. Today I did the 3 mile “walk away the pounds”. It was much better than the “introduction” dvd. I still think that woman is slightly insane. Like, walking is so AMAZING, you guys. It just, like, walks away all your health problems and worries and OMG LET’S WALK UNTIL WE DIE!

Heh. Oh, well, at least I got in a few giggles with that one. My legs hurt. So that means it works.

I keep seeing a commercial for this show called “Cook Yourself Thin”, and it sounds pretty much like Hungry Girl, only on TV. Well, I didn’t think anything of it until my boyfriend saw the commercial and he said “Hey, cook yourself thin?! It sounds like a show about making meth.” So now, every time I see it I laugh hysterically.

I still laugh at fart jokes, too.

April 25, 2009 at 5:41 pm 2 comments

Obsession: not just a fragrance.

I’ve had my nose totally buried in books lately. It’s a snowball effect, I’ve learned…once you read one memoir that mentions something else, then you have to go and Google that  book, and then, you know. Madness.

So it started with a memoir called “Food and Loathing”  (which is about an a compulsive eater/bipolar woman, very interesting if not a bit bland), which mentioned a photograph taken by Diane Arbus. A picture of twin little girls that depicts “all that is unfair with the world,” because one little girl is smiling and the other is frowning with slightly droopy eyes.

So. Thus begins my obsession with Diane Arbus. She used her camera as a shield against the world and took pictures of, well, everyone. Freaks. Big people. Little people. Couples. Rich kids. Drug addicts. Andy Warhol’s “factory” people. And she was amazing.

So I’m kind of thinking, holy shit, I want to totally do this. I want to photograph everyone. Everything. I’ve been shooting weddings with my dad for years, and I’m so bored of weddings. Bored of photo shoots with plastered smiles (you’d be amazed at how many people I’ve heard say “My mouth hurts from smiling!” in a pissy tone). I want to put my camera to interesting  use.

I think this obsession is a good one. Maybe.

Other: I checked out like 5 workout DVDs from the library again. Um, “Walking Away the Pounds” is for old people; I mean, it was 15 minutes long! And she was all “OMG this is amazing you guys!” and it freaked me out/pissed me off.  15 minutes of walking/moving in place? WTF kind of workout is that? Boring, that’s what. After that I popped in the NYC Ballet Co. workout. That, kids, has made every limb in my body ache. So, success.

Okay. I’m going to finish the Diane Arbus biography I’m reading. Seriously…if I could just channel this obsessive energy into something productive,  like, you know, school/a major/keeping a decent job without panic-attacking my way out of it/anything serious, then I would be much better off.

April 16, 2009 at 10:02 pm Leave a comment

No future in the art of dance.

I recently discovered that they have workout DVDs at the library. (Hey, give me a break, I grew up in a town where the library is smaller than my apartment, and I have more books than they do). So I checked out 3. They’ve been sitting on my table for…well, they’re due back in a few days. After discovering that I can’t renew DVDs (wtf!) to further entertain my procrastination, I said, Well, shit, I guess I should do one of them.

So I moved the furniture in my living room and popped in a Belly Dance  workout dvd, thinking, Hey! This will be fun! And sexy! And hey, maybe I’ll take it up and take lessons and everything!

And, then, I started doing attempting the moves and I realize: I can’t dance. I wiggle and jiggle in all the wrong ways. Belly dancing looks easy; but I’ve come to realize that I have no grace. None. Can it be learned? Maybe. But at least my dog was entertained as I flailed my arms and legs across the living room. During the “cool off” part of the DVD, my dog actually jumped on me. Yes. Jumped on my back as I tried to “work out the stress in [my] spine”. Yup. Then she thought I was playing and started barking excitedly, and jumped on my stomach as I tried to “stretch” my legs. I’m just glad she only weighs 6 pounds, otherwise I would need to be scrubbed off the floor.

Other than that, I’ve been having a hell of a time trying to find a “sleeping aid” that actually works. See, my brain never turns off. When I sleep, I think of things, constantly. So my psychiatrist gave me a prescription…and I took one. And the next day I had the worst headache of my life, and felt like I had the flu. So, I’m thinking I’ll just pass on sleeping “correctly”. If she tries to get me to take Ambien…I’ll probably be one of those one-in-whatever people that bakes pies and eats 50 pizzas in the middle of the night.

And I’m proud that I have thus far avoided the delicious heaven that is Cadbury Eggs. Oh, I love those. I’ve always loved those. Right down to that weird commercial with the lion in bunny ears (which they STILL show! to my girlish, nostalgic glee.)… My mom still makes me up an “Easter basket” every year (cute, isn’t it?), but I know there won’t be any of those in there. Sigh. She’ll probably get me a nice set of tea towels from Anthropologie or something.

But oh, there will always be a place in my fat-girl heart for these stupid, sugary, wretched little balls of nom.

cadbury_eggs_white

~ wikipedia

April 9, 2009 at 7:41 pm 2 comments


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Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.