PostSecret reads my mind.

February 1, 2009 at 12:50 am 2 comments

I’ve had a few or three secrets posted on the PostSecret site, but none of them were as personal as this one (which I didn’t send in):

 100

It’s so true. For a lot of us. Only with me, it’s 190+ pounds. And I was always fat so it’s really not going away, no matter how many crunches/weight lifting/situps/whatever I do. The body our former selves leave behind…let’s just say, it’s not pretty. I’m having major “body issues” with all the “leftovers”. Plastic surgery  isn’t in a college student’s vocabulary. I’m in constant fear that as I’m walking around, people will figure me out. They’ll see the strange skin hanging just so, over the waistband of my jeans or see the unfortunate flapping motion that my “batwings” make when I move my arms too quickly. Constantly, I worry that, holy shit, I am GROSS! and people will figure out, that I was a former morbidly obese person! The horror. Right?

I have a boyfriend, who swears it doesn’t bother him. But it bothers me. Oh, how I WISH I could “love myself” and the imperfections that I walk around with in all its Jell-O jiggly, empty glory. But it ain’t happening, at least not for a while.

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Entry filed under: secrets, wls in the media. Tags: , , .

Oh my. Finally, in a store I actually live near!

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. girlslashwoman  |  February 1, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    What I’ve realize in life is that we spend so much time worrying about details that we never figure out that no one really cares.
    The things that seem so on-your-face, like that big zit on your chin or the weird way your feet turn out when you walk doesn’t even register on the radar of things that people notice.
    I guess because your “new” body is so new to you, you don’t really know how to get used to it and to forgive yourself. I think acceptance will come in time and you’ll be able to give yourself a break. I hope so anyway 🙂

    Reply
  • 2. Griffin H. Bat  |  February 1, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    You’re totally right. I tend to forget that the crap that bothers me means diddly-squat to other people, and vice-versa. I don’t care if that guy has a zit or his shoes are untied, and they don’t care if my pants fit weird– it’s just tough to shake that under-the-microscope feeling that I’ve always had. I need to constantly remind myself to just…cut it out. Heh.

    Reply

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000wp

Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.


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