Archive for December, 2008

A not-so-quick quick update.

Today (well, yesterday) was moving day. It went by really fast, and all my crap is in the new place, minus all my cleaning supplies. I’ve got to go back to the old place and clean it if I want it to even seem like I want my security deposit back. We’ll see how that goes.

I would love to say that I’m enjoying my first night at my new place. But?  The water guy came to turn on the water, but came really late while we were gone and, uh, didn’t turn it on. He “unlocked” it. And we have no tools (or flashlight, haha) in which to turn it on.  Oh, and there’s no heat. Because, apparently, you can’t get the gas turned on until the water is turned on.

So, um. I’m at my parents’ house for the night. Stealing their internet. That’s another thing I don’t have yet at the new place. Sounds like an awesomely fun place to be, doesn’t it? I’ve just really got to learn to stop trying to get things done/turned on at the last minute. Being a grown up is really annoying.

Due to all the running around/up and down a flight of stairs arm in arm with boxes made me feel like treating myself. To a $4 SF chocolate bar from a loca lchocolatier. Seriously, this place is bananas. They sell chocolate-covered potato chips. And some kind of mystical force called chocolate pizza. That shit is right up my alley. One day I want to try something small in there that isn’t sugar free. I didn’t today because I didn’t want to be Dumping on moving day. Heh.

I look forward to actually moving in…and having heat. And water. And cable. And my routine back. I miss my neurotic rituals of daily life.

December 30, 2008 at 1:37 am 2 comments

Nostalgic jeans and The Xmas Outfit…

I didn’t realize how many things I owned until I had to pack them up. I’ve been packing all day…and I’m wiped out. I could use some extra b12. But guess what? It’s packed away, somewhere, in the fathoms of crap that I’ve stacked against the walls.

But! I see an end to all of it, finally. I packed up my huge closet. That took…too long. I ended up finding 2 giant bags worth of stuff to donate to the thrift store. And I had a little fun with some of my jeans:

 

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The top pair is size 26…the bottoms are 4s. Random sizes in-between. It’s sad to get rid of these “milestone” clothes…but I think that part of reaching a goal is letting go of some of the in-between successes. Or else be buried in mountains of jeans. (Although I will admit, I will keep those 26’s. It’s fun to do the “I fit in one leg!” thing. Cheesy, yes.)

One thing I won’t miss about this apartment: yellow walls. Light, dull, boring, ugly yellow. It makes lighting a nightmare in pictures. But I still took some of me in my Christmas outfit the other day:

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Isn’t it festive? I thought so. Hah. Don’t worry. I wore it with a sweater.

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See? Lovely sweater. Very comfy. The corset? Not so much. I ate so much jolly Christmas foods that the boning was being mean, really mean. But everyone liked it. Of course the few family members that ignored me + my weight loss also ignored my outfit. That’s okay, though. What goes around? Comes around. I believe in Karma, so I’ll leave it up to that. =)

Needless to say, it wasn’t a white Christmas. It was like 70 degrees out. I actually got hot in that outfit.

December 27, 2008 at 9:43 pm 4 comments

Holiday, in more ways than one.

I have decided to “put up” my scale until next week. It needs a vacation. This is huge for me. No matter how many times I’m told to notweigh every day, I feel that I will let myself go and not be held accountable if I don’t. I don’t know many WLS people that don’t feel this need. If I don’t do it every morning, I feel like I’ve gained 10 pounds magically and it ruins my day.

Oh yeah, every day is a parade.

But yes, it’s Christmas. I’m eating Christmas food. I’ve been a bad girl–I found some No Sugar Added chocolate bars at Whole Foods, and I’ve made fast friends with them. The sugar alcohols are murder (for me and for anyone in the room), but I’m not getting real Christmas candy, damnit, I want somethingsweet. At least I’m not burrying my face in one of those sugar-free chocolate layer cakes I saw at Publix…oh my. Torture.

December 24, 2008 at 4:20 pm 4 comments

Christmas-time rants & raves. Mostly rants.

I was sitting here, on my back-breakingly uncomfortable futon, reading my copy of Multiple Blessings (yeah, I admitted it), and then I realized. Oh, crap. I’m moving soon.

Oh, wait. I’m moving, in one week. And have I packed anything? Uh, no. There is no excuse. Just the procrastination and dread that comes with the lame task of boxing up my life in neat little boxes. Ughhh.

So, today I started packing crap up. I have a tidy collection of boxes that my boyfriend picked up from work (Whole Foods. So all of the boxes say “organic __”. It makes my stuff feel important!), and I made a large dent in everything today.

I’m seriously at the point where I can’t wait to move. We have new neighbors downstairs, and since they moved in a few weeks ago it has been like living in a frat house. Parties, strong smells of liquor and pot smoke wafting through the walls, smoking cigarettes outside my door, taking up parking, etc. I’m an old lady, I like my quiet. I paid WAY too much on rent here to live like that. Noise? It’s supposed to end at 10p.m., not 2a.m. So I’m happy to be leaving, to an area not being taken over by teenage tendencies.

So this is what occupies my mind this week, during Christmas. I’ll spend some time with my close family, but my mind is spilling over with thoughts of moving, new bills, old bills, not getting screwed by the new cable company, etc. It could be worse. I know.

Oh, and since everyone ignored me and my (apparently invisible) weight loss on Thanksgiving? I’m going to wear an outfit on Christmas that can notbe ignored. Yup. It’s a “I’m 22, I worked hard to reach my goals, and you’re lame” outfit. Adorable silver/not too slutty corset from Victoria’s secret under a cardigan, a silk grey skirt, and knee-high slouch boots. I still have issues with feeling “pretty” and/or “girly” in outfits, but this one is a winner. It’s the first one where I feel like a girl, and not a 300lb. lump in shapeless-yet-surprisingly-expensive clothes from the big girl store.

It’s not too slutty. I promise. I won’t ever go there. But every now and then, girl’s gotta break out the heels. Now, if only I had boobs. That’s another story. But I do need to unpack my camera long enough to snap a picture of this, my first-ever, “normal” Christmas outfit.

December 23, 2008 at 2:11 am 2 comments

Excuses, excuses.

I really, really need to start working out. I hate working out. I did really well right after surgery; I had an expensive gym membership and I made myself go several times a week. And then? I moved. And thanks to expensive rent, I no longer wanted to throw $100/month at a gym.

Really, though, that is a pitiful excuse. Why? Because my apartment has a “gym”. Sort of. A room in the clubhouse, filled to the brim with…1 treadmill, 1 elliptical, and a couple of manly weight machines. I would go further and say I don’t use this gym because every time I run on the treadmill, something about the static electricity shocks my hands when I touch the machine. It’s strange. And still, no good excuse.

But seriously, people. I got a good look of myself the other day in the mirror, sans clothing. And it wasn’t pretty. Nope. Really,  I think it could move one to tears. I know for a fact that I could work out like an angel every day and I’d still have lots of gooey extra skin. But? It would be better. It wouldn’t be so…abundant. And maybe then I wouldn’t have the upper body strength of a kitten.

Well, I don’t know. This is what I’ve been thinking about all day. And then I think, well, I’m moving across town in 2 weeks. Bye-bye, free “gym”.  Into a house. That has no gym. But there is a sidewalk! I can, like, walk and stuff.

I just think it’s funny that I put off working out like I used to with dieting. Tomorrow, I’ll diet. Tomorrow, I’ll work out, and start to rid myself of empty, saggy, gross flubber! But, yanno, I’m sure I’ll have awesome excuses when I move. The sidewalks, they’re dangerous. And dirty. With nature. Sigh.

December 16, 2008 at 10:30 pm 6 comments

Because I really feel like writing about dessert.

I’m starting to really appreciate restaurants that realize, Hey, some people want dessert but they can’t have sugar, let’s fix that! And so they offer sugar-free confections.

Today, I found a restaurant that had home-made sugar free cherry pie. I ate a steak (well, like 1/3 of it), some veggies, and ordered myself a damn piece of pie. Like a normal person. Only I knew that if it was, indeed, sugar free, I wouldn’t be dumping all over it later (and I didn’t).

And it was good. It was hot and crumbly and cherrymazing. I split it with my significant other, who didn’t feel cheated that he wasn’t getting a real dessert, because it was so good.

It just makes sense: people go where the good stuff is. If I can go to restaurant A and get a sugar-free dessert made to suit, why would I even bother with restaurant B? I wouldn’t.

Oh, and I was in Publix a few days ago for the first time in months (why bother? I have a discount at Whole Foods, pshhyeah), and then, I saw it. Sugar. Free. CAKES. With an “s”. Plural. Chocolate cake. Vanilla cake. Cheesecake. Um, yes. I haven’t tried any yet, but it’s on my list. So what if they probably used Splenda? I’ve accepted the fact that by having an RNY, I’m probably going to grow an extra head from all the Splenda I use. I’m working on it. But when there’s cake involved, I don’t know, people. All is fair in love and cake.

December 11, 2008 at 10:07 pm Leave a comment

I just never learn.

It’s headed towards the middle of December and my air conditioner is on. Full blast. I know it’s Alabama, but, come on. Short sleeves shouldn’t even be an option at this point. I know I shouldn’t complain. Somewhere out there, someone is shoveling out a parking spot…poor things.

I know it was like, what, over a week ago, but Thanksgiving was interesting (some people didn’t even notice that I’d lost ~200lbs, but hey, I don’t like them anyway, the jerkheads). I made my pie, people ate it. Really. And they liked it. My grandmother made a german chocolate cake, holycrap. I had to eat some. I had to. And it didn’t make me dump. Kind of funny, considering the things that do.

Case in point: today, I bought some salami and cheese from the deli at Target. I ate it, with crackers and grapes. I knew the slippery grease factor of the salami wasn’t very good, but, I ate it anyway, because I’m smart. And? One hour later, I sat in a miserable shaky lump on the sofa, sweating through my sweater.

Fabulous.

I have no idea why I do this to myself. To feel normal? Sometimes I just. want. to. eat. like a human being! Fuck the rules. Then I say to myself “that sucked, let’s not every do that again!” But of course, I do it again. Maybe it’s due partially to the whole “well, I ate REAL cake at Thanksgiving and I was just dandy after that!”. My body lulls me into this false sense of security.

I’ve seriously realized, RNY is like going to school. It’s a lifelong learning experience. You can play by the rules all you want, think that you know your body and how it reacts, and then the rug gets pulled from beneath you. Surprise! This food makes you puke today, but yesterday it was fine.

I learn something new every day. Mostly I’m learning that I’m kind of a dummy, and I should probably learn some kind of strict self-discipline, like Ben Stiller’s character on Dodgeball.

~ google image search

~ google image search

December 9, 2008 at 10:25 pm 2 comments


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Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.