Well, duh.

November 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm 2 comments

With all the stress of moving/school/getting a job/lifeingeneral, I’ve really come to realize how easy it is to slip back into old habits.

You know the ones.

Eating out. Craving sweets. Eating, eating, eating, until I feel like I’ve eaten an entire house-sized feast. It scares me to think of this: regain. What all post-ops fear the most. Or, at least, it’s a biggie. One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is assuming that WLS is a cure. It’s not.

Seriously. My “fat habits” are still there, lurking under the surface. People think that because I’ve lost all my weight, well, hell, I can do whatever I want! It’s just not true. Some days I let myself go, and I eat chinese food and cookies, and I always regret it, both mentally and physically. But sometimes She’s hard to stop.

The “she” I refer to…I need to name her. She’s my entire past: the Fat Girl. She’s an empty pit of longing and lusting after food; her best friend, her addiction. Some days, she takes over. I just have to trust that the next day I will regain my senses. Usually, I do. But there’s the fear that one day she’ll take over completely. I know there’s a balance to all of this, but it’s harder to rewire your brain than it is your intestines.

Anyway, this all makes me think of an episode of Friends where Monica is talking about going on a date with her former high school crush, because now she’s thin and he wants to go out with her, and she says “the fat girl inside of me wants to go…I owe her this…I never let her eat!” And it reminds me of myself. I have to entertain the fat girl inside, because frankly, she’s pissed.

But yeah. My point? Shit happens. I’m annoyed with myself for being “bad” the last week or so. One day on, one day off. It’s bad news bears.

Another thing to dampen the day: ABC Cancels Pushing Daisies

01

~abc

I’m really bummed about this. I love this show. It appeals to my inner Francesca Lia Block and Neil Gaiman fan. But…I guess I saw it coming. As long as Desperate Housewives stays on, I’m not going to cry about it. Not with the wonderful world of DVD box sets.

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The turkey-day dilemma. Oh, and?

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tiptoe  |  November 24, 2008 at 12:36 am

    I think this is one reason why it is so vital to have counseling with any type of weight loss surgery or anything where you are changing your body or have already done so. Surgery, diets, etc. can all change the outer appearance, but the inner part isn’t. It’s hard to feel like something you may not feel like you are if that makes sense.

    I think ultimately it is about learning the balance which isn’t always easy to find. You can get there, but deciding to continue to drop numbers isn’t going to get you there. If I remember correctly, your Dr. said to stop. And that can be the hard part.

    As for the shows, I liked Pushing Daisies as well. It was quirky but interesting.

    Reply
  • 2. Griffin H. Bat  |  November 26, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Tiptoe: counseling *should* be required! Seriously. I kind of hate my surgeon for not requiring therapy after surgery. You hit the nail on the head: outer appearance does not = inner appearance. Balance is a huge issue.

    Reply

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000wp

Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.


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