Archive for November, 2008

It’s no chocolate cake…

Okay, so, for Thanksgiving I am making this:

2104strawberrypie

~ hungrygirl

A strawberry mush pie, essentially. And I hope it turns out well. When it comes down to eating “sweets,” I have to decide if I want to either dump on real sugar or deal with the fun aftereffects of sugar alcohol. So I choose the latter, mostly because…well…I don’t want to explain why I’m sweating through my clothes and acting like a nut to a bunch of people/family that has no idea I had surgery. Plus, it kind of makes people freak out.

Why not just avoid the sweets, you ask? Well. I’m 18 months out. I’m human. It’s Thanksgiving! I had surgery to be “normal” and such. I just have to modify the crap out of everything. Hence the sugar free, fiberlicious pie. Plus, I can’t burn down the apartment making JELL-O. Or can I?

Anyhow…I’ll be seeing some family tomorrow that I haven’t seen since I had surgery. They have no idea I’m not Me anymore. Well, I did have an aunt that saw me like 50 pounds ago, and I heard that once I left the room she said “Weeell…I hope she keeps it off.” Rude.

Tomorrow I’ll give thanks for the family members that I don’t secretly wish the pox upon, for surgery, skinny jeans and boots, and sugar alcohol bloat–but only because it’ll keep me from collapsing into a pool of my own dump-sweat in front of the turkey.

November 26, 2008 at 5:00 pm 3 comments

Oh, and?

I usually forget when the 21st day of the month rolls around, because after a year…it starts to become less significant. BUT: today is my 18 month surgiversary. Yup.

And?

The scale today said: 120. That means I’ve lost 194 pounds. I know I should “stop”, but…wouldn’t it be nice to lose a few more so I can say I lost 200? That would be fun. It appeals to my inner Monk. Which also just got cancelled. Arg.

November 21, 2008 at 9:54 pm Leave a comment

Well, duh.

With all the stress of moving/school/getting a job/lifeingeneral, I’ve really come to realize how easy it is to slip back into old habits.

You know the ones.

Eating out. Craving sweets. Eating, eating, eating, until I feel like I’ve eaten an entire house-sized feast. It scares me to think of this: regain. What all post-ops fear the most. Or, at least, it’s a biggie. One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is assuming that WLS is a cure. It’s not.

Seriously. My “fat habits” are still there, lurking under the surface. People think that because I’ve lost all my weight, well, hell, I can do whatever I want! It’s just not true. Some days I let myself go, and I eat chinese food and cookies, and I always regret it, both mentally and physically. But sometimes She’s hard to stop.

The “she” I refer to…I need to name her. She’s my entire past: the Fat Girl. She’s an empty pit of longing and lusting after food; her best friend, her addiction. Some days, she takes over. I just have to trust that the next day I will regain my senses. Usually, I do. But there’s the fear that one day she’ll take over completely. I know there’s a balance to all of this, but it’s harder to rewire your brain than it is your intestines.

Anyway, this all makes me think of an episode of Friends where Monica is talking about going on a date with her former high school crush, because now she’s thin and he wants to go out with her, and she says “the fat girl inside of me wants to go…I owe her this…I never let her eat!” And it reminds me of myself. I have to entertain the fat girl inside, because frankly, she’s pissed.

But yeah. My point? Shit happens. I’m annoyed with myself for being “bad” the last week or so. One day on, one day off. It’s bad news bears.

Another thing to dampen the day: ABC Cancels Pushing Daisies

01

~abc

I’m really bummed about this. I love this show. It appeals to my inner Francesca Lia Block and Neil Gaiman fan. But…I guess I saw it coming. As long as Desperate Housewives stays on, I’m not going to cry about it. Not with the wonderful world of DVD box sets.

November 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm 2 comments

The turkey-day dilemma.

Cheeseandrice, you know what I just realized?

Thanksgiving, with all its fatty turkeys, hams, casseroles, and pumpkiny desserts, is, like, in two weeks.

 

thanksgivingmenu_s4x3_lead

~foodnetwork

And? I have no idea what I’m making. Because? Things that taste good to me–a rerouted weirdo who puts fat free cream cheese on everything and considers it “delicious!”–well, what can I make that I can eat AND people won’t politely spit into napkins? I dunno.

My cookbooks aren’t much help. I have a feeling that most of the things I make…taste like “diet food” to everyone else. I’ve spent the last 16 months convincing myself that “fat free/sugar free” = good. Real food tends to send me to the floor all a-flutters. Plus, it’s mean to force my diet foods on people that aren’t dieting, especially on Thanksgiving.

Huh. I’m thinking, paper plates and cups?

November 11, 2008 at 11:15 pm 2 comments

Moving, and smallish updates

I’ve spent the last few weeks in a fluster of thoughts, plans, and Big Decisions. It really freaks me out. I’m at the point in my life where I have to stop putting things off, because time sneaks up on me faster than it used to. I’m trying to take it in stride, but I am terrified of making the wrong decision.

Basically, do I stay or do I go?

Do I uproot everything and move to Boston? Do I want to give up my walk-in closet-laden land of plenty in a crappy city, all for a box-sized/overpriced apartment in a wonderful city? There are so many reasons NOT to move, and yet there are so many reasons TO move. All these prospects are swirling around in my head like an overloaded washing machine.

One thing I DO know: I am moving. My lease is up here at the end of January (I extended it a month to buy myself more “thinkin'” time). I do not want to stay here. I’ve realized that for about $100 more per month, I can rent a freaking house closer to where my boyfriend works (Whole Foods), versus this apartment. This STUDIO apartment. Hummm.

Anyway, we’re going to look at a house for rent tomorrow. It’s so, so close to useful things. I want more than anything to fall in love with it, and KNOW it’s the right thing to do. I want things to fall into place, perfectly, and for it to spell out in the air in big, flashing neon letters: This is the Right Thing to Do! But I don’t know. It could be old and smelly and lacking in requirements (I MUST have a dishwasher. I just must. If I didn’t have one, I’d be washing measuring cups all day long, no joke). Who knows. I’ll expect the worst, but hope for the best.

In other news:

  • Halloween was fun, I ate TWO, count them, TWO Reese’s peanut butter cups, within hours of each other, and didn’t dump. I find this amusing, because I apparently DO dump on reduced-sugar cake? WTF? My body teaches me new things every day.
  • Ghost Hunters Live! totally sucked. It was boring, nothing happened, and I swear that British host guy was wearing a lady’s coat.
  • I quit relying on other people to give me my B12 shot and decided to do it myself, darnit. I stabbed myself a few times before I could get it to go in. Everyone made it seem so easy, and yet I struggled to do it correctly…it made me feel really smart.
  • My daily iced lattes have now pretty much become hot lattes, which means fall is officially here, in my mind. And it’s lovely.

November 2, 2008 at 8:13 pm 2 comments


000wp

Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.