Naps and follow-ups

October 1, 2008 at 8:35 pm 1 comment

I have been really slacking lately. This is where I blame some kind of lack of vitamins, or something. I’m worried that my levels are all messed up. I mean, I’m 22, I should be bouncing off the walls, right?


So, I had a follow-up with my bariatric surgeon a few days ago. He was pleased with my progress, my “success”. Every time I go, I’d ask, So, what’s my goal? And he’d say something like “you’re almost there. For sure.” And this time when I asked, he said “you’re there. Don’t lose any more weight.”

What was my immediate thought? It was: I’d like to lose 10 more pounds.

Just 10 more pounds.

Isn’t that how it goes? It’s always 10 more pounds. If I lose 10 pounds, I’ll hover at 115. And then I’m sure I’ll be like, Hey, what’s 5 more? And the disappearing act takes over. It’s pure scale greed. But I’m petrified of gaining weight again. I always said, that when I was “thin” I would do absolutely everything in my power to stay that way. And now that “I’m there”, at “goal,” this is where the fear takes over. Regain. When those sneaky little carbs start calling my name again. It gets harder and harder to ignore the little voices.

Seriously, it’s not joke that I’m totally screwed up about food. Sometimes, when I take my boyfriend to get Chick-Fil-A or something, it’s automatically assumed that I will have nothing. I feel like if I DO order something, I will fail myself. Sometimes I’ll just order something, eat it, and be normal. Other times I feel like crying.

If you ever see a girl looking really stressed and on the edge of tears while standing in line at the Panera, then it’s probably me. Battling the fat side of my brain.

But yes. My doctor sent me to the lab, and the vampires came at me with their needles and tubes. I’m waiting for the phone call to tell me if my levels are totally messed up or what. Maybe that will explain why I feel the constant urge to take a nap.

Or, maybe it’s the weather. The air is becoming less muggy and sticky, more crisp and cool. The sun hits me a little less every day. Of course, some days are still blazing hot. But Fall is coming, I can feel it. I just wish I had somewhere fun to go on Halloween. I really want an excuse to wear a costume.


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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Tiptoe  |  October 25, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Oh yes, the numbers game can be quite scary. It really does come to a point of it is never enough and fear consumes you.

    As for the naps, could be a lot of things. At least the labs can rule out stuff.


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Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.

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