Archive for October, 2008

Mmm. vitamins.

You know your life is sad when you look forwardto taking your vitamins. And really, once you’ve had WLS, vitamins are a strict, dire requirement. And I’ve found myself in a vitamin funk. Seriously. A girl can go BROKE trying to pay for vitamins every month. I pretty much have. But it’s okay, because I found ones that actually taste good.

Celebrate Bariatric Supplements.

‘Nuf said.

But really, I had heard things about these being all amazing and crap, so I decided to order a bottle each of the multivitamin, iron, and calcium, all chewable. Because I am still not cool with swallowing pills (call me stubborn, it’s OK). It all came to like 50 bucks. But. They. Taste. Amazing. Creamy and sweet (but it’s not real sugar! hooray!), and they don’t make me cough up a chalky storm.

I always took lame-o vitamins and didn’t bitch about them, because what other choice is there? I have to take them, end of story. Wa-wa-wa. But these are SO WORTH buying off-brand toilet paper for a while so I can afford them*. It’s like little desserts throughout the day. Oh, how pathetic I sound. But I am in love with these little creamy bastards.

 

*Yeah, but we all know that’s not going to happen, really. Charmin = my BFF. Will work for soft two-ply.

October 24, 2008 at 8:50 pm 1 comment

I’ve been in the corner, eating my childish snack foods.

I’ve been lacking in the blogging aspect of my life lately, for sure. My sister is in town…the one that doesn’t know I had WLS. She’s stunned that I’m “so skinny”, and such. She keeps trying to figure out what the deal is. The more I think about it, it really doesn’t matter. I could tell her. But I’ve gone this long without saying anything. She’ll leave town and I won’t see her again for at least another 6 months or so. So, why bother? It’s easier for some people to be left in the dark.

I’ve discovered something new (to me) and tasty that I’m totally obsessed with. Let’s just say I need to stay out of Whole Foods when I drop my boyfriend off to work there every day, because then I tend to browse and buy snacky things. Like Snikiddy Snacks. Oh my. The Banana Nibbles are fantastic, because there’s only 3 sugars per serving and they’re organic. If they weren’t, though, I’d still eat them with gleeful greed. And they taste like real bananas. In cookie form. Who wouldn’t enjoy that? I put a bag in my purse to carry around, because it’s great when my blood sugar goes haywire and I need. to. eat. food.

The funny thing I learned about Snikiddy snacks, is that the name comes from a kid’s variation of the word persnickety, which is one of my favorite words. Why? Who knows, really; I’m a weirdo. But it’s a fun word to say. And it describes me, completely.

October 20, 2008 at 7:02 pm Leave a comment

Oh yeah. Every day is a parade.

It’s days like yesterday that make me want to backhand people that tell me I took the easy way outby having WLS. I mean, seriously, people, this isn’t sunshine and rainbows; this is scary shitsometimes. I didn’t know the meaning of the word “dizzy” before surgery, and now I might as well change my name to Griffin McDizzyface.

But, yesterday.

I did something really stupid. Something that shows that, Yes, I’m still human after gastric bypass. This is not easy. Sometimes, we slip. Every now and then I want a piece of cake! And it’ll be OK! Because it’s Reduced Sugar Cake! So, let’s eat it for lunch! Okay!

So, I did. For lunch. I ate a piece of reduced sugar cake. And? Nothing else. Two hours later (a little slow on the uptake, I’ll admit), a big flash of light blurred my vision. And when I closed my eyes it didn’t go away. After a minute, it passed. And then, I felt the need to just…fall over. And I started shaking. And sweating through my clothes. Sweat rolling down my face. I felt like death warmed over, bathing in a pool of cold sweat.

I have NO idea what it was exactly. I mean, yeah, I KNOW it was because I ate cake for a meal that had sugar alcohol in it; but normally? The stuff doesn’t phase me. It was stupidity on my part, not eating something “solid” with a TINY piece of cake until the urge passed. I know it was my fault. But I am human, like I said. And humans are prone to error. Doesn’t make it any less scary.

Sometimes it’s just a little aggravating, because people that are on diets…they can eat a piece of cake or whatever and then feel the guilt and move on. Me? I feel like I’m dying. It puts me out for the rest of the day, well into the next.

So, yes. The easy way out. I can eat cake and still be thin! How easy. Now, I’m going to go take a nap because my sugar levels are so effed, and my head feels like it’s been opened up and swirled around with a stick.

It’s so easy that, here I am, 14 months out, still learning new ways of being a screw-up who needs to follow the rules to a T without serious regret.

October 7, 2008 at 6:12 pm Leave a comment

The future…and stuff

I spent my whole life putting things off, and not taking any risks, because, hey, life will be so much better when I am thin! I played everything safe, always being sure to tiptoe around the pool of life and never just jump IN. Living was for everyone else. I don’t know why. I had no confidence, I guess. I didn’t think I could survive if I, say, moved out of my comfort zone. Like moving away for college. I couldn’t imagine huffing and puffing my way in and out of an out of town classroom desk! That would just be outrageous.

I always plannedon doing major things. One day, I’ll move to Boston. One day, I’ll go to that fancy liberal arts college. One day I’ll write a book. One day, I’ll be thin. In the back of my mind, I guess I never thought any of these things would really happen. I never thought I had the guts to plunge into the deep end and just DO any of these things. I was used to trying and failing, always. Endless loops of diets gone wrong. And then? I learned about weight loss surgery. I researched. And then? I thought about it for a couple of years. I got over it. And then? I got bigger. And bigger. And then I just DID it. (Well, after 7 months of supervised dr.’s diets and hoop-jumping, I did it. Hah.)

So, my point is…I surprised myself; I did something Life-Changing. It didn’t shatter the world. I realized that “one day” wasn’t going to get any closer unless I did something about it. And now? I’m facing another possible “one day” situation: moving across the country.

I’m totally obsessed with Boston. I feel something completely foreign and wonderful every time I visit. It’s like going Home. I thought for a while that maybe it was just the magic of being in a new, big city, but then I visited San Francisco…and hated it. So it wasn’t that I easily fall in love with big cities. Boston is magic. The smells, the sites, the shopping…Oh, the shopping.

I am learning to actually make plans for my life instead of plan on planning one day. It’s absurdly scary. But I’m tired of this place. My apartment lease runs out in December, and I’ve been looking at other apartments in the area…and am just not impressed. And then I thought: why stick around to live in another mediocre apartment in a shitty city, when I can finally just move to Boston, like I always dreamed?

Well, this could all be wishful thinking, but my boyfriend could possibly be getting a promotion at his job (Whole Foods) and might be able to transfer to a store in Boston. Other things are coming together…and I think it’s time to take the plunge.

If I do move, I will totally miss lazy Southern days like this one, though; breezy days with my doggy on my parents’ porch:

October 5, 2008 at 2:00 am 1 comment

Naps and follow-ups

I have been really slacking lately. This is where I blame some kind of lack of vitamins, or something. I’m worried that my levels are all messed up. I mean, I’m 22, I should be bouncing off the walls, right?

Right.

So, I had a follow-up with my bariatric surgeon a few days ago. He was pleased with my progress, my “success”. Every time I go, I’d ask, So, what’s my goal? And he’d say something like “you’re almost there. For sure.” And this time when I asked, he said “you’re there. Don’t lose any more weight.”

What was my immediate thought? It was: I’d like to lose 10 more pounds.

Just 10 more pounds.

Isn’t that how it goes? It’s always 10 more pounds. If I lose 10 pounds, I’ll hover at 115. And then I’m sure I’ll be like, Hey, what’s 5 more? And the disappearing act takes over. It’s pure scale greed. But I’m petrified of gaining weight again. I always said, that when I was “thin” I would do absolutely everything in my power to stay that way. And now that “I’m there”, at “goal,” this is where the fear takes over. Regain. When those sneaky little carbs start calling my name again. It gets harder and harder to ignore the little voices.

Seriously, it’s not joke that I’m totally screwed up about food. Sometimes, when I take my boyfriend to get Chick-Fil-A or something, it’s automatically assumed that I will have nothing. I feel like if I DO order something, I will fail myself. Sometimes I’ll just order something, eat it, and be normal. Other times I feel like crying.

If you ever see a girl looking really stressed and on the edge of tears while standing in line at the Panera, then it’s probably me. Battling the fat side of my brain.

But yes. My doctor sent me to the lab, and the vampires came at me with their needles and tubes. I’m waiting for the phone call to tell me if my levels are totally messed up or what. Maybe that will explain why I feel the constant urge to take a nap.

Or, maybe it’s the weather. The air is becoming less muggy and sticky, more crisp and cool. The sun hits me a little less every day. Of course, some days are still blazing hot. But Fall is coming, I can feel it. I just wish I had somewhere fun to go on Halloween. I really want an excuse to wear a costume.

October 1, 2008 at 8:35 pm 1 comment


000wp

Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.