Loud blenders lead to quiet, devious lives

September 18, 2008 at 7:53 pm Leave a comment

I’ve been using the same blender  on a daily basis for almost a year now, and besides the fact that it sounds like ship crashing into a dock, it’s wonderful. It crushes ice like a champ, and blends my Big Train low carb mochas to creamy perfection. But recently, as I listen to my neighbors running their dishwasher and flushing their toilets through the thin apartment walls, I can’t help but wonder, just how loud is my blender?

I mean, really? If it’s so loud as to completely drown out the TV blaring mere feet away, I can’t imagine the projection it sends out to the 3 apartments that surround me, and the one below. Every time I hit the “crush ice” button, I can’t help but to cringe at the thought that one of the neighbors is moaning, “there she goes again, with that loud-ass blender!” Really, what must they think?

 My guess: they think I’m a lush. I’m up here blending up all kinds of boozy concoctions, and who knows? I could be selling milk laced with meth to children. Or making booze-infused cupcakes and giving them to the nice old ladies that greet people at wal-mart. I don’t know. Loud blenders can lead to terrible conclusions.

Honestly: I sit around making up crazy stories about my neighbors–like the mysterious guy next door I refer to simply as “Norman Bates” because he rarely goes out and I only ever see silhouettes of his “lady friend” on his balcony, and I’ve never seen them together at the same time–so why wouldn’t they make up crazy stories about me? It’s far more interesting that way.

Until I get a more polite blender, I guess I’ll just enjoy being the crazy booze lady upstairs.

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000wp

Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.


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