What’s this all about, anyway?

September 1, 2008 at 7:00 am Leave a comment

There’s always this sense of dread that washes over me when I start something new. Like this blog, for instance. There’s so much that I have to say; so much that you don’t know about me. How in the world can I give you my life story, my “mission statement” in so many words, without making you slam your head on your desk out of boredom?

Well, I’m not so sure about that last one. But I’ve come to realize that putting off starting my “WLS blog” really just makes the situation worse. The posts, rants, rambles, and realizations all pile up in my head like a dusty pile of books, the oldest ones getting buried in my forgotten thoughts. Soo, I’m kicking my ass into gear. The first thing you should know is that I will never, ever call my situation a “journey”. If I see one more blog with the title “My WLS journey!” I think I’ll puke my rerouted guts out. Sorry. But I had to put that out there.

What should you know about me? Why are my guts in such a rut? Well, I went through 7 months of hoop-jumping, baton twirling, ass-kissing, and shit-wading so that a doctor with a fancy degree could poke some holes in me and swirl things around just so in order to make me lose weight. Lots of it. 180+ lbs., to be exact. That was over a year ago. So my “rut” is really, not so much a bad thing. There are side-effects.

I had a RNY. What does that mean? It means, in a nutshell, I can eat a cup of food at a time, but some things (like high-fat or high-sugar content) send me to the floor. I had to train myself not to “cheat” the system and drink with meals or take it as a “free pass” to eat the same shit that I ate before (hello, McDonalds, hay there, box of cupcakes! How are you these days?) . It’s hard. I had to look at my addiction and kick it in the face. And I’m not perfect. Sometimes I need my reminder that, yes, I can’t go there anymore. Unless I want to spend a few hours hunching over the toilet. Sexy.

Life is not perfect when you are suddenly a size four. I wish someone had told me this when I was 314 pounds. Sure, it’s a hell of a lot better than outgrowing the Fat Store and getting health problems every few months. But I don’t suddenly walk out the door to sunshine and glitter and people throwing themselves at me. I get dizzy when I stand up. I have to take vitamins every day, like clockwork, or else. I have to worry about blockages and hernias and disappearing bones. I wonder what things will be like, health-wise, in 10 years, when I’m 32.

There’s a high level of uncertainty that comes with having weight loss surgery, and I worry. But you know what? I’ll take the uncertainty. Because, the alternative? At 20 years old I was already huffing and puffing across the parking lot and busting out of my size 28 jeans and killing my knees. I know what the future held for that girl: diabetes, heart attacks, knee replacements, misery.

So, yes, I welcome the uncertainty. I’ll take it over obesity. My guts are in a rut, gladly. Sometimes they grumble. Life isn’t made of sugar (or sorbitol).


Entry filed under: about me, Uncategorized. Tags: .

And she didn’t even buy any clothes…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Griffin H. Bat was very, very fat. She had WLS in 2007 and has gone from 314 pounds to 120ish, and often wonders where her mind went along with all that gooey adipose matter. Even with new guts, she still thinks about cupcakes and their confectionary goodness. She feels like a bear that has lost its stuffing, but she won't hesitate to tell you how lovely you are.

%d bloggers like this: